A bit of a Wine

How will this work?

That’s me thinking, on paper, about exactly how we will we make it through the labyrinth that will be ‘Operation baby’.

A: Not telling people we are trying for a baby—hard.

B: Not telling people once we’re finally up the duff—ridiculous!

It is one of life’s lesser talked about mysteries. And, now that it’s all about to happen to me, I am wondering how my friends with children ever managed to keep their pregnancies under wraps.

For Me and Mister C, it’s important that we keep any attempts at trying to conceive a secret also. Once people know that we are trying: the pressure to conceive becomes enormous. And quite frankly, I don’t want to increase the risk of unnecessary bodily panic—especially when our conception chances, on a good month, are only 20-25 percent.

My biggest problem is how I am going to say no to wine. I know how much I love the stuff. My friends know how much I love the stuff.

As soon as I say no, they will cry, ‘Pregnant!’

Last month, Mister C and I decided to go on a healthy eating diet. We’ve been counting calories, just for fun, and I’ve even gone so far as to cut out caffeine. I think my boss is already suspicious: me without my morning coffee? Even so, this health kick may have laid the perfect excuse out on the table.

People will think this dry spell is due to our determination to succeed on our diet. How many calories does wine have? ‘Enough to put me over my daily calorie intake,’ I say. Who am I kidding? It’ll never fly.

The perfect solution arose when we were driving home from work this afternoon. I was staring out the window, admiring the beautiful, rustic gumtrees, when Mister C struck pre-pregnancy gold.

‘I know what you should do.’ he said, beginning his speech about how I am going to avoid alcohol at an up and coming Hens/Bachelorette party.

‘What?’

‘Tell them you are just going without toxins because you are preparing your body for future baby making.’

‘But what happens when I get pregnant?’

‘Tell them that you are just going without toxins because you are preparing your body for future baby making.’

And there it is: the perfect solution.

My man is a genius.