Back to work, Baby.

The vision is usually the same.

I walk into a child care centre with Baby C in my arms. In my vision, he is a chubby little one year old, with chunky legs and merry pink cheeks that bring out his bright blue eyes.

We are met by a smiley young lady who speaks to Baby C in a sing song voice. He smiles at her, and then looks to me with wide eyes as if to say, is she okay, Mum? I hand Baby C over to her. I let go of him, slowly, hesitating as if I’m placing a china tea set down on a glass table. He looks the kind stranger up and down before looking at me, with fear in his eyes. Then I turn and walk away.

So, that’s it. I play this scenario in my mind over and over and, like a broken record, it jars and repeats in the same spot. Right at the moment where I walk away from my precious baby.

In case you hadn’t guessed by now, this is me trying to prepare for the inevitable. In six months’ time, I will need to go back to work. Which is great and really exciting. If I forget all about my beautiful little boy and his sweet, china doll face.

When I became pregnant, something changed deep inside me. At risk of sounding like a free loving hippy, I became more aware of my inner cave woman. I started to realise just how animalistic us human beings really are. As soon as Baby C was born, I found myself listening very carefully to my instincts. As a result, I think I’ve managed many a tricky situation with very little heartache for both myself and little Baby C.

In going back to work, for the first time since I became a Mother, I will need to ignore my inner cave woman. When she tells me to stay and comfort my crying baby, I will need to walk away. And I know it will only be for a couple of days a week. I know I need to chill. But it is a lot harder than I had expected it would be. And this is only me THINKING about it.

So, now is the time for me to fill my cup up to the half full point. I need to think about the benefits of this scenario. And I know there will be many. For the next 6 months, I will try to fill my mind with images of my beautiful bouncing baby looking forward to his days away from Mummy. It does fill my heart with warmth to think of him playing and laughing at funny little friends.

Mummy just wishes that she was going to be one of them.

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10 thoughts on “Back to work, Baby.

  1. How did you know it was me 😛 Haha .You are truly one of the most beautiful,loving, lovable, sensitive kind, caring, empathetic,talented, funny,and intelligent daughter a mother could wish for Miss Cookas. Baby C will love you as much as you love me. I know he will.

    Thank you for sharing your journey,not only with me but with other mothers and fathers. We can all learn a lot from you.

    I Love you.

    xoxox

    Like

  2. Miss Cookas, as I sat and read this blog, tears rolled down my cheeks. You see. I too am a mother, a mother of 4 beautiful, amazing children, I love them with all my heart and soul. I know what is like to leave your children, for me it was a very difficult choice to make, very difficult. It is heart wrenching.

    I also worked as a caregiver in a child care center, I looked after the 1 to 2 year old babies. I loved them and cared for them as if they were my own children. It was more than a job. It was something I loved doing . It used to break my heart to see the look on mum’s and dad’s as they handed their precious babies over to me but as they came to know me, they knew their precious treasures were in good hands.I think of those children to this day and wonder how they are and what they are doing with their lives.

    I hope you will find a child care center with a caregiver like me to look after and care for Baby C.
    He sounds adorable I wish I could look after him. Oh, what fun we would have.

    I notice they have tagged your blog to the category of Mummy guilt. I can relate to that.

    I find you to be a very amazing lady, too always see the glass half full.

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    • Ha ha! Thanks mum :p Yes, you were a wonderful carer. And a wonderful woman. I love you and I hope Baby C grows to love me just as much as I love you. xxx

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