Modern Day Mama

Imagine a world without the internet. Now imagine you’re living in it…and trying to conceive.

It’s a crazy thought, and one that deserves some time. How did the lovely ladies of the past get the job done? I can’t imagine the encyclopaedia going into great detail about what fertile cervical mucus (cm) looks like.

Last week, my Mum came to stay at my house for a few days. Now, as you all know, Mister C and I are keeping our baby making fairly quiet. People know it’s going to be soon, they just don’t know when. But this is my Mum we’re talking about. There is no point in trying to pull the wool over her eyes; she knows me too well.  So, I jumped at the chance to get her take on everything.

On her visit, I asked her how she had approached the art of baby making. Did she monitor her cm and ovulation dates? Four kids later, I figured she’d be a pro on all this stuff.

Her response:

She sometimes tracked ovulation dates and, well, shagged.

So, you see? There was no internet cm instruction manual. No frantic googling of two week wait symptoms. There also wasn’t much exposure to the realities of miscarriage and infertility.

Part of me envies her for that. The other part of me feels sorry that she missed out on all the beautiful things you can find on the internet, the things that excite you about the possibility of becoming a mother.

One of my favourite parts of this journey to babyland is reading all the inter-blogs. I can’t get enough of them. Really, that’s why I started writing my own. I love reading birth stories; being able to share in the moments that changed someone’s life forever. They really are beautiful.

I mean, I suppose there were books for that sort of stuff back in the day. I’m just not sure it would have occurred to me to actually go buy a book of birth stories though.

Nowadays, modern technology is king. This is the world we live in. And I am grateful. But I do always like to look back at where we’ve come from. It’s nice to know that without all this awesome modern stuff—like the internet—we’d still be okay.

Image

Me and My Inner Voice

There is something to be said about intuition.

As much as I like to think there is a rhyme or reason for most things in life—I am yet to find the logic behind that little voice in my head that seems to know everything.

Where does she come from and how does she know that stuff?

This month, as I was faithfully hoping that my period would not arrive, she spoke to me. She said, ‘You are not pregnant. You need to deal with this. Stop trying to search for signs to prove me wrong.’

And what do you know? She was right. My period came right on time.

Even though, in my conscious mind, I knew that there was every chance that I could be pregnant—my inner voice was telling me otherwise. Of course, I chose not to believe her. Who wants to pay attention to the little angel on their shoulder when she is giving them bad news?

Some women say they experience no pregnancy symptoms at all. Some women say they just knew they were pregnant. But how did they know? That’s what makes this intuition business so hard to believe.  What logic lies behind the phenomenon? What is the science?

Maybe that’s our problem these days. Maybe we rely too much on modern science and logic. It seems to me that our early ancestors had no problems avoiding dinosaurs without fitting them with a GPS tracker.

I didn’t need my inner voice to tell me that I was a little disappointed not to be pregnant this month. That was obvious. And only natural.

But on the other side of the coin: now I could have a glass of wine, something I’d been holding off just in case the oven was with bun.

You see? Things aren’t all that bad if you look at the glass half full.

Especially when that glass is half full of wine.

Image

How Early is Too Early?

ImageHow early is too early? That’s what I’ve been wondering.

Even before Mister C and I started trying to conceive—I couldn’t help it. I just had to buy the books. What to expect when you’re expecting. What to expect before you’re expecting. You know the drill.

But my question is: have I peeked too early? My worry is that by the time I actually do become pregnant I’ll have run out of pregnancy books to peruse!

To combat this very real issue, I have set some boundaries.  I have three books to help me through pre conception. And until I am ‘up the duff’, those three will be it.

Some of my other rules are as follows:

 Rule number 1: My google searches must be limited to pre-conception only.

Curious about maternity clothes? Too bad Miss Cookas! Those kinds of searches will have to wait for the BFP (Big Fat Positive—don’t you love all the crafty acronyms used in internet land?!)

Rule Number 2: Absolutely NO baby clothes or books. None. Not even a glance down the baby isle at target. No Miss Cookas. Put down that teddy!

You might think all these boundaries and rules are silly. And if you do, I don’t blame you. I can be a bit weird sometimes. But the thing is I just want to leave some mystery for my pregnancy. I want to save the magic of being an expectant mother for when I actually become an expectant mother.

For now, I’m just trying to savour the moments I have alone with my precious Mister C. I’ll enjoy my sleep ins. I even had a moment of clarity when picking Mister C up from the bar the other night at mid night—this is a symbol of my last years of true freedom.

Me and Mister C were only just talking about that the other day—how much we’ll miss it being just us. But at the same time: we are so excited to share our special love with another.

And that’s where baby comes in.

Mother Nature

Mother Nature.

I’m not sure where she got her name from.

Does her name imply that the physical earth is her child? Or, are we—all of human kind—her children? Well, whoevers mother she is: she is all powerful. She feeds our plants, and they grow. She nurtures our being, and we prosper.

But sometimes, Mother Nature gets cross. And boy does she have a temper.

My heart goes out to all of those families in Oklahoma.  As I begin my journey towards Motherhood, I’ve been struck to the bone with images of what it really means to be a mother. To all those mothers who will never get to read to their children at night again—I can only send my love to you through the sky. I hope it reaches you and gives you at least a flicker of hope for a bright and beautiful future.

Of all the natural disasters we’ve experienced here in Australia, bush fires seem to be the big offender. Bushfires and floods: the story of our great southern land. But even through all the heartache and all the damage—hope seems to be the thing that shines out from beneath the embers.

This is what I’m seeing now, in Oklahoma. People are uniting. They are working together. They are taking things one step at a time, because really, what else can you do?

They speak of heroes being born; teachers covering children to protect them. Yes, they are absolute heroes.  But I believe the true hero in any natural disaster, the hero that sometimes gets forgotten, is the human spirit.

And thank God. This spirit is something we are all born with.

I know this is meant to be a pregnancy blog and I’m sorry for the diversion. I just think that it was important for me to acknowledge this from my current position. Because even though I’m not a mother yet, I can sense what is coming. I just know that when I have my own baby to protect in this world, I’ll be experiencing the pain of these natural disasters from a whole new perspective.

I think this is just my way of preparing.

Image

Miss Cookas and The Snotty Two Week Wait

The two week wait—a phenomenon that envelops women everywhere who are trying to conceive a baby. Symptoms include excessive googling, possibly imagined nausea, possibly imagined back pain, possibly imagined abdominal cramps and a snotty nose.

Yep. That’s me. And with all the googling I’ve been doing –every single day, every other second—I’ve noticed that I am not alone. I take comfort in the knowledge that there are other women out there who are just as obsessive dedicated to researching ‘symptoms of the two week wait’ as I am.

I do try to listen when the rational part of me says ‘chill out and step away from the computer.’ I really do try. But in this, my first two week wait, I’m finding the rational part of me is fighting a losing battle.

And really, I have to ask myself, is this craziness all that bad? Okay, so the googling might be making me go a little loopy, but at the same time, it is making me super smart. I can already feel my inner smart person praising the pregnancy gods, thanking them for my new found knowledge of all things ‘trying to conceive.’

Also, I can’t believe it has taken me this long to learn, and actually appreciate what is going on inside my own body. For me, that has been the real eye opener in this whole experience.

As I said in one of my previous entries, the cervix, and cervical mucus, was uncharted territory for me before all this baby making began. And I’m guessing the same goes for many of you women out there who are also trying to conceive. As for all you men out there: I’m guessing she’s told you too much information all about her inner gooey stuff too.

Enjoy that. Because when she finally conceives, I hear you’ll have a whole new set of challenges to face.

photo (2)